a confession

i dont know if anyone ever reads this but this is for myself.

i was reading my past blog posts and honestly what the heck it's damn cringey and fake like i dont know if anyone else feels the same way but its soooo not me lol i sound wanna be mature and fake and yux yux yux yuxxxx

and i guess it has taken me this long to admit it and i just want to start afresh and be more of myself and type in a way and present myself in a way that is true to myself.

2018 has really been a ??!?!?!?!? year, i plucked myself out of my comfort zone and the safety net of familiar people (albeit familiar it might not have been a nice feeling?? ok but you know it was like a familiar comfortable discomfort...yes???!!!) and i made new friends in a totally new environment.. joined a new CCA blablabla. and joining such a new environment meant that i could reinvent myself; most didnt know my past anyway.

which was good – fresh beginnings are always welcomed, i guess, but idk. i felt like a fish out of water and things that i would have done although people would typically judge you i didnt continue doing, because i guess its like the people back in st nicks already knew i was blogging, youtubing etc that its already part of me, but coming here to hc i felt like if i did all these stuff people would judge me..? like i've already gotten over the judging part years ago that its a part of me and i don't wanna relive it. but i miss blogging so much; i miss reflecting and i miss editing videos and doing what i like.

and so heres my confession; that i haven't truly felt like i was me this past year. and i wanna change that; i want to find my passion and my drive and to feel like im truly truly truly me.



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